A VINTAGE BOAT GOES FOR A SAIL

The price was right for an old leaky boat,
and I couldn’t resist the teak decking on a collectable Schooner.
She sailed in slow motion like a crochety old lady,
but I figured slow knots— better than no knots.
As Captain, I gave orders nobody could hear,
my mouth full of marshmallow marbles from chewing too much tobacco.
When the gale winds blew, I ordered the crew to ease the main sheet—
we were heeling too much.
SOS useless,
there’ s no Coast Guard off the Magdalen Islands.
Capsized, I ordered: Abandon ship!
I told my wife to cling to the hull,
telling her when the storm subsides we’ll swim for shore
but all I could hear as we sank into the sea,
my wife still ranting,
wearing a captain’s hat didn’t make you no captain,
and I told you— we should have bought a Catamaran!